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Thursday, January 17, 2008

The Last Straw

Up Periscope.

I took an extended break during the ho-ho-holiday season, deciding that my sharp-fanged attacks on culture were better left to this new year.

And what have I got between my teeth to chew on? Straws.

I used to love straws as a kid. I liked the heavy gauge paper they were made of and the cheerful red and white stripe that they had. I especially liked the way they were just the right size to suck up a milkshake...keeping the flow snow enough to prevent brain freeze.

I even have an affection for more contemporary plastic straws, especially those with that clever little bending portion for easy sipping.

What's driving me to drink...drink WITHOUT a the poor pairing of straws and glasses. And that straws have passed from an beverage option to a beverage standard.

I've had full length-straws stuck into sour glasses, stemware, and most recently, what appeared to be a Dixie Cup on steroids. Why? Is there something wrong with drinking directly from a glass these days?

Does someone know something that I don't? I've got to think about this. Surely it must be a conspiracy of some kind.

I'm going to go below and ponder.

Down Periscope.

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